The Pain and Purpose of Being Forgotten
“The chief cupbearer, however, did not remember Joseph; he forgot him.” - Genesis 40: 23
written by Mike Westendorf
artwork by Faith Belt
You’ve worked hard, you’ve helped others, your work has made a positive difference in the lives of people around you. You try to do it selflessly, but deep down you’re hoping someone notices, someone sees your effort and will acknowledge it. At times you need a favor too, just like all the times you’ve been serving other people who needed a favor from you. And then… that favor doesn’t come. The person forgets you and what you’ve done for them.
If you’ve ever felt the pain of being forgotten when you have helped someone, you know something of the internal struggle between helping people and keeping score. Wanting to do good for others and yet hoping for a little something in return. In the world of the “Enneagram” personality typing system, I am a type 2. I am the “helper” personality and I do love being there for people and helping build community, solve problems and move people and organizations forward. When I’m in a healthy space, I can focus on others and I don’t have an immediate need to be rewarded. A pat on the back or a kind word of thanks will do.
But when I’m unhealthy, when I’m stressed or feeling afraid, I realize that I have been keeping score. If my work is forgotten, I can become much more direct, shorter tempered, less inclined to help and quicker to keep score. It turns out, the helper isn’t as selfless as I thought it was and it turns out God has some work to keep doing in me. Praise God for his forgiveness!
The story of Joseph is one that is near and dear to me and it may be to you as well. A guy who has been the victim for much of the story. Doing his best with his talents and then hated or being taken advantage of. If it only it were that simple. Joseph came off as an arrogant kid to his family. Favored by his father to the jealousy of his brothers. Blessed by God, he had the talent, looks and organization to have an easy and influential life. But God was going to prepare him to be one of the first Biblical examples of the “Messiah story”. He is an earthly foreshadowing of the ultimate story that will find perfection in the person of Jesus. Joesph will be used by God to “save the world”.
That little line in Genesis 40:23, “He forgot him”, is a painful one. Joseph had done good work even after being falsely accused and thrown in prison. He earned the trust of the guard and earned an excellent reputation for being trustworthy and effective in his charges. Plus he could interpret dreams. But Joseph was desperate to get out of prison. He saw a way to get out and put his trust in a fellow human being. And God said… no. The cupbearer forgot him. While he went back to work in Pharoh’s court, Joseph continued to care for prisoners in the “dungeon” where he would wait until “the time had fully come” (Galatians 4), roughly 2 years later. At just the right time, Pharoh would have a dream. The cupbearer would remember Joseph. Joseph would interpret the dream. Pharoh would put Joseph in charge of Egypt to account for the impacts of the dreams as second command of all Egypt!
To be forgotten is painful. To help people with the expectation of reward is a common reality for all of us. To be forgotten after we helped someone we hoped would reward us or remember us, can sometimes get in the way of what God is doing in our hearts. While there is pain in what appears to be a moment of being forgotten, God didn’t miss the moment. He used it. In many cases what feels like being forgotten to us, is something God will use to prepare us for work in the future. Work that has GOD’S kingdom at the center instead of “MY kingdom”.
As God worked through that moment of being forgotten, he prepared Joseph’s heart and mind. God gave him the ability to see that the trials he endured would lead to the fulfillment of those “arrogant” dreams he had as a child. Teenage Joseph might have seen that as a place for him to lord it over his family. God used Joseph’s life circumstances to prepare him to meet his family’s need and establish a lasting legacy in the story of God’s people.
The pain and purpose of being forgotten can often lead us to a place of humility where God can work through our lives for the purposes of God’s kingdom instead of ours. That God might bring you and I to a place where we can say with Joseph “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”
Prayer: In the moments I am forgotten, Jesus, please help me remember that you still see me and can still use me and my circumstances to bring your grace and the stories of your faithfulness to people around me both now and in the years to come! God grant it for Jesus sake!
Artists Note on the image from Faith Belt: "The image depicts Joseph, the interpreter of dreams, as he sits imprisoned in the captain of the guard's house. He looks downard, focusing on his chains, surrounded by darkness. Behind him an open window reveals a vast, star-filled sky - a reference to the promise God gives to Abraham (and his descendants) that all people will be blessed through him. We see this in Joseph's lifetime as he rescues all of Egypt from starvation. Joseph will also forgive his brothers who sold him into slavery - an amazing picture of Christ and the full reconciliation he grants us. God knows the bigger picture, remembers his promises for his people, and will bring about good far greater than we can imagine! Perceive it!